С Новым Годом

С Новым Годом = Happy new year

От всей души поздравляю Вас с наступающими праздниками Рождества и Нового года!Я желаю Вам, Вашим родным и всем близким личного счастья, много любви, Сибирского здоровья, благоплучия и больших успехов во всех начинаниях!

Ot vsei dushi pozdravlayu vas s nastypayushimi prazdnikami roshdestva i novogo goda! Ya shelayu vam, bashim rodnim i svem blizkim lichnogo schastya, mnogo lyubi, sibirskovo zdroviya, blagoplychiya i bolshik uspechov vo vsech nachinaniyach!
is how you pronounce it

and this is what it means:
From the bottom of the heart I congratulate you all on the coming holidays of Christmas and New year! I wish you, your compatriots, and all relatives happiness for themselves, a lot of love, Siberian health, prosperity, and great successes in all undertakings!

Jahresbillanz- Sorry dont know how to say it in English

Well this story sums up Russia quite well in 2004.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4114215.stm

The week when everyone is fat

Hey!
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and are looking forward to 2005. I am defiantly sure this will be the year we can go on holidays to the Moon; I mean 2005 just sounds so far in the future. Anyway, I had a normal non-Christmassy week until the weekend- more about that later. Dropped Anna to the airport (no easy thing in Russia) for her flight to Germany on Saturday and the next morning, well 3am in the night and another expedition to Tolmachevo “International” airport and I went with Mel(by taxi- remember this for later) for her flight to Moscow, both times I got stranded at the airport by minibuses breaking down. Had to sneak past the police at the entrance trying to avoid a passport check also. Anyway was a bit sad they had left but apart from the occasional power cut during the week, nothing much happened. Elizabeth (57, from France- stalking her Russian bit on the side and with either months to live or for ever- she is just waiting for the doctors in Germany to tell her if she has bone cancer I think) invited me for Christmas dinner- only thing I had to do was bring some alcohol and a red cabbage. Elizabeth lives in Germany (Cologne), has adopted the best of the French, and mashed it together with good old German efficiency, superficial, a romantic, tactless and a great cook as well as being good at making Christmas decorations and organising dinner parties. What more could you ask for at Christmas? Anyway, we were having duck with apple red cabbage (apfelrotkohl) pasta, potatoes, stuffing etc. I went to the Zentralny Supermarket on Lenin Street- the biggest and best-stocked supermarket in Novosibirsk, only rich Russians and foreigners shop there- they even take credit cards! And managed to get 1 of the 3 red cabbages in the city, for a bargain knock down price of 135roubles –about 4euro- obviously growing red cabbages is a sure way of making money here. Anyway got that and wine and vodka- anyway was going home on Christmas eve with my purchases and had to wait about 10 mins for a bus- I nearly died and my landing gear was fully retracted if you know what I mean, it was about -30. Anyway got home, defrosted myself, and watched “Fabrika Zvezd” - Star Factory with babushka and dedushka. (This is just for Anna and Mel who also know Fabrika- That girl with the long black hair won- she got an apartment in Moscow- Alla Pugachova presented it to her and sexy Ruslan won a BMW- not a choerny bymer but a nice blue colour bymer)

Anyway could not go to sleep on Christmas Eve because I was too excited, despite it not being Christmas here, fell asleep after about 2 hours. Got up the next morning and made my way to Elizabeth’s place, which is in the university campus- about an hour from the city. It was so weird to see on Christmas day people jut going about their normal business not even aware it was Christmas- I guess it is how Chinese people feel about Chinese new year in Ireland (although did we not get drunk at that last year in Solas?) Got off the minibus and had to walk 20 mins to Elizabeth’s in -30 which was ok for most of me- just not my nose and my legs- I only had a pair of jeans and long johns on so I had frozen thighs. It was beautiful though- snow so white, sky so blue- bla bla bla. Anyway we ate enough for a couple of months and drank far too much in Elizabeth’s and we even watched “Dinner for One” on DVD (Nur fuer die deutschen die diese Email erhalten) and although it is not New Years- ist aber egal. In addition, she had made Stolen- German Christmas cake. We had a great time and just ate drank and talked for about 8 hours, there was me, Liz, Josh from America, Misha from Russia and Katja from Germany, a few others dropped by but were probably appalled by the state we were in and made hasty exits. To be honest it was the best Christmas I have had away from home, and although the first, it was really nice- I realise that I just like the food and drink part of Christmas- not the actual family bit. So bloated and drunk we finished around midnight and I stayed with Misha. Next morning walked with Misha to the shops- poor guy had frozen eyelashes after 5 mins outside and then I went to Josh because we were planning to visit some kids for Stevens’s Day and give them presents for New Year (when their Grandfather Frost “Ded Moroz” comes to them). I was feeling a bit hung over from the vodka/wine mix of the day before so had to keep on asking in the bus “are we there yet.” The bus was going in the direction of the airport and a week earlier Mel had felt very ill on the exact same route- I unfortunately had no plastic bag with me- still kept everything down though. Anyway, first place we went to was a Children’s cancer hospital, most of the kids there were about 3 to 10 years old, some were happy to see us but others did not really have the energy to smile or be happy which considering many of them are dying is understandable. Hospital was not so bad- an old building but very warm and they had a lot of equipment donated from Germany about 12 years ago. Some of the kids were too weak to walk and just seamed to stare at us. After that, we went to an orphanage, quite small only about 15 Children and ranging from the ages of 2 to about 13, when they sat down they seamed to sit in order with the eldest at one end and slowly getting smaller down to the 2-year old. They were very happy to see us and it was the first time they had seen their New Years tree (like our Christmas tree) one girl in particular seamed completely in awe that it was New Years almost. So we played some games with them, sang songs, and then gave out their presents- one kid was really cute- Serjousha, 5 years old, and the most excited kid in the whole world. So before more Children are brought into this world remember there are lots of kids with no parents who would just love a home and a family, especially in countries such as China and of course Russia. So went home then after that and told babushka and dedushka about the weekend, they were very curious about the “Catholic” Christmas as they call it and don’t really understand why we don’t just do it on New Years like everyone else (as in Russia then!)

Anyway, that is all from me apart from the taxi I got to the airport with Mel- same driver drove us to the orphanage and wanted to say hi to her and to have a happy new year, still can’t open the back door though! Small world. Miss you all and hope to be seeing lots of you some time in 2005, only 11 more days in Russia!!!!!

Ot vsei dushi pozdravlayu vas s nastypayushimi prazdnikami roshdestva i novogo goda! Ya shelayu vam, bashim rodnim i svem blizkim lichnogo schastya, mnogo lyubi, sibirskovo zdroviya, blagoplychiya i bolshik uspechov vo vsech nachinaniyach!

I would do it in Russian letters but none of you will learn them- arghhh.

From the bottom of the heart I congratulate you all on the coming holidays of Christmas and New year! I wish you, your compatriots, and all relatives happiness for themselves, a lot of love, Siberian health, prosperity, and great successes in all undertakings!
So now the festive season can really kick off- New year on the 31st/1st Russian Christmas on the 7th and Old New year on the 14th (before the calendar was changed!)

Nothing to say- I'm depressed

No news this week apart from busses breaking down and I’m a bit sick etc etc etc, just wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas and happy new year- I am having duck stuffed with apple for Christmas dinner thanks to Elizabeth from France, have to work Christmas eve and the 27th though :-( have a nice time, Robbie

Nearly Christmas!!!!! (Not here though)

Hello,
I hope everybody is well. Not much news here, still snowy but not really so cold, only -17 this morning but it felt like +5 in Ireland. I had Monday off work because of “Constitution Day” on Sunday which was nice- when I said it to dedushka (the Russian Granddad) he said “What constitution?” and I said your constitution and he just grumbled and muttered something. Not widely celebrated, just by all the places that you would need to have open such as banks etc. I was thinking recently that nothing bad has really happened to me since I came back to Russia- which is worrying because I only have 4 weeks left here and I am afraid that something bad might happen. Mel the American girl had her wallet (with credit cards) and digital camera stolen out of her bag on the bus on Saturday, fortunately they did not take her passport which in Russia would have been the biggest nightmare and there are hardly any shops in Novosibirsk that take credit cards and she did not have much cash but she misses her digital camera. So after she cancelled her cards there was not much she could do. There is little point in going to the police here, they are either useless or corrupt or both. I also never mentioned the plight of Damian from South Africa who left to go home 2 weeks ago. He had to fly from here to Moscow and then onwards, when he was checking in for his flight to London from Moscow they told him he could not leave Russia because his visa (for Russia) was not in order. So after staying here since last February he was sent back to Novosibirsk to fix the problem, he ended up being in Russia an extra week before he was able to get out. Only in this bloody country will they make it more difficult to leave the country as a foreigner than get in. I felt a bit bad because when he was saying goodbye to us the last time, he said something like “Well I’m leaving Russia now” and I said something to the effect of “You are not out until you go past immigration in Moscow” - should have kept my mouth shut. Speaking of people leaving, another foreigner left on Saturday- Stefan from Germany, who one had the sense that he never actually used money- he was one of those people who just did not need it- his camper van in Germany is converted to run on vegetable oil or something like that and he was always claims insurance for his “hiking equipment” which always goes “missing” anytime he is in Russia which enables him to pay for flights. They only hurdle he could not overcome was the fact that he was not given BaFOeG (German student grant) for the time he was here because they only pay it if you are in the European part of Russia- I felt a bit sorry for him when he told me but not anymore- chances are he was swindling them also. Anyway it was his leaving party on Friday night but we went to a Mexican restaurant beforehand. (I am giving the impression that we went for him but we went without him, just a couple of us) This was a) quite a shock to find in Siberia b) very good and c) completely wonderful because I forgot for 2 hours I was here! We really went because Andy and Carrie (two “volunteers” i.e. CIAers) were going back home after being here for about a month. Basically all foreigners here are thought of by each other as potential spies but these 2 were especially dubious, being American and unable to describe what exactly they were doing here. But very nice people, Carrie was very funny, dirty minded and a bit of an alcoholic and Andy was good at fixing things (handy in Russia) and a little bit cute, well very nice really. Anyway Stefan was on the Aeroflot flight that leaves at 6 in the morning which means you have to leave at 3 in the night (no automatic check in kiosks in Tolmachevo Airport yet and I’m not keeping my fingers crossed either) but Andy and Carrie were on Siberian Airlines in the evening so we could have breakfast with them and give them a hug goodbye- Carrie gave me an electric shock because of her nylon top and Andy gave a very very long nice hug also (not just to me though- to all of us). Anyway after a couple of hours of delay they were heading on their way to Moscow and all its big glitzy sights and ultimately, home for Christmas. Saturday evening- feeling a little tired after the party the night before I went for dinner with Mel, Elizabeth (the old one from France) and Marina (from Uzbekistan I think- although that is the least remarkable thing about this thing) we went to Jilie Bilie Russian restaurant which is so cute inside and all the staff are in traditional Russian costumes (it is a bit Disney like) and when we left it was snowing and everything seamed so nice, then Me and Mel said goodbye to the other two (I will be spending Christmas with Elizabeth and a duck as we are the only foreigners here who like a drink and will be staying for Christmas) So we went back to Anna’s place to watch a movie- at the weekends I move in with Anna because of the grandparents getting too repressive for me. So we watched a very scary movie which I did not like because I am a girl when it comes to things like that, so I spent most of the time under a blanket. Anyway as a Christmas present for Mel, Anna and Grig (my washing machine saviour) I brought them to a Russian musical on Sunday afternoon called NEP (New Economic Plan)- not what one might think of as the most exiting title for a musical but it really was great, set in the 1920’s and very very soviet (even Stalin was in it) with lots of dancing and some really great songs- beets Andrew L Weber any day. Went for a pint in the Irish bar on Lenin Street afterwards and then went home and invited Marina (from above) and Misha (nice Russian guy) to watch a video as well as drink. We watched Wild Things- which we should have known with Marina around was a mistake, for you see Marina is a sex crazed bisexual 20 year old from Uzbekistan who’s mission in life is to convert everyone to bisexuality, preferably by force. So her victims that night were Mel and me. After watching that video we ended up playing strip spin the bottle which got a bit scary after awhile, poor Mel had to kiss her for 1 minute and I had to lick Anna’s tit- even scarier than the video from the night before. You will unfortunately not be getting the photos from that evening attached in this email. (Unrelated) We bought these huge 3 liter jars of juice from the supermarket which were dirt cheap, unfortunately when we got home we could not open them because you need a special utensil to do it, so we had to drill a hole in the lid, equalise the pressure and them pull of the lid- most difficult thing I have ever done, like opening a tin without a tin opener -took about 15 minutes, but it was very good juice- just tasted like mashed up apples, anyway on Monday night we all drank a little too much of this juice and the resulting colonic explosions were heard by all in poor Anna’s badly ventilated apartment. So that was my weekend- as I said nothing new or interesting here, same old miserable life! I am only here for 24 more days and only 12 of them are work days! Hope you’re all not sick of Christmas by now, no decorations here really- bit sad!

Robbie

Altai Mountains

I have to warn you- this is a long one- even for me, you will need about 10 mins.

Hiya All!

I have had the most fab time this week- reminds me that Russia is in fact an amazing country with amazing people. Well the week started off mild as ever- about 0C but then it got real cold, one night it was in the high 20s! (As in minus 20s). They don’t say if it is minus anymore they just say on the weather forecast, tomorrow, 16 to 18 and you should know by now they are talking about minus. It is however bearable and not so bad apart from lips, although if it goes much below -30 I will tell you all about it. It is funny to see dogs who have picked up bits of snow on their fur and start to look like chandeliers, you can even hear the ice jingling about on them- very cute but then I’m not the one covered in ice. Last Wednesday (the first day of big cold) I went with 4 Americans (I couldn’t get a word in edgeways) and an Australian for dinner in a Georgian restaurant (not from the 17th century or specialising in food from Atlanta either). I now understand why Stalin (from Gerogia) was a bit grumpy at times. They had the most uncomfortable chairs I have ever sat on, and I have been to primary school in Ireland so I know what I am talking about. It appeared if they had a hole in the middle for you to do your business whilst eating- very efficient but not what you really want at the table. Anyway apart from half those eating getting their food about an hour after the first half (hey it’s Russia- be glad you are getting food before the place closes for the night) it was nice although I had a kebab- seams like every culture has adopted them which looked like a giant poo or brown penis depending on what you are thinking about at the time - was tasty though. And a nice bottle of Georgian wine to wash it down. I did not tell my geriatric flatmates I was eating in a restaurant because earlier in the week they told me how terrible it was that Russians are spending their money on cars and holidays and restaurants when they should be doing cross country skiing (ARGHHH) and going to the theatre. So I told them my boss and his Georgian wife invited me to dinner. I had even written down on a piece of paper what I had eaten to prove it to them but they asked about the size of the apartment of my boss, what ages where his kids etc. Fortunately my shit Russian gave me enough thinking time to come up with plausible lies although I don’t know if 4 room apartments exist in Russia-upps. So that night made the week nice and short although I had to be home before 10- a bit like Cinderella. Although it was so bloody cold I ran from the bus stop to the door of my building.

So Friday we set off for Altai, bye bye to the seniors for the weekend and said “see ya Tuesday” as I ran away. Altai as you all know by now, is the mountainous region that forms the Border with east Kazakhstan, North West China and Mongolia (and of course Russia). So we tried to get a taxi there (it is about 500km south) because we heard this was the easiest way to do it and not that expensive- about 800 roubles (25euro) however when the taxi driver asked for 15000 roubles (450euro) we thought he was driving a hard bargin (and possibly driving a limo also) so we ended up getting the bus for about 400 roubles- not too bad and it would only take 9 hours- in Russia you get used to long journeys, 9 hours on a bus is nothing to me now. So we hung around at the dingy bus station and then got on the overnight bus to Chemal, in the Altai Republic (a bit more independent from Moscow then a normal bit of Russia- Chechenya is the same). I get very giddy when I travel- it is all the new things so I could not sleep and had my face glued to the window for most of the time or the ear of the person sitting next to me. So travelling through the frozen landscape of Siberia in heavy snow was fun, it was a chilly -20 when we left Novosibirsk but the further south we went the warmer it got, one place was -11 and I rolled up the sleeves of my jumper on our once-in-3-hours-piss/food-break, basking in the tepidness of it all. So we left at 10 and we arrived at the place at 7 in the morning, with no passport checks along the way which was good. We arrived in a village called Manjerok (God, mix up those letters, add 2 Fs and see what you come up with) and we were met by a local boy called Andrej (the first of many) The place had a Craggy Island in Fr. Ted feel to it, and Andrej was our Fr. Dougel, although a bit foxier. He would look into your eyes and you were not too sure if he misunderstood you or was curious about you- that kind of guy, but very nice and he kept coming back to our house every 15 minutes to keep our fire burning- in more ways then one.

So after arriving at 7am and after a bit of Muesli (western style- without the butter, salt and boiling) we all went to bed but I was too excited to sleep so I read the Altai section of “Lonely Planet Russia & Belarus” which made me a bit scared. Altai people (the natives) are Mongolians and as with all Orientals react badly to alcohol, however that does not stop them outdrinking the Russians which gives the place a pretty Wild West bandit atmosphere. Apparently they are a bit dangerous if they have been drinking which is more or less all the time. Scary natives. Anyway we then got up about 12 and went to the local shop to get some food and then went on a walk to meet Andrej’s grandfather who I think was called Pjoter but I am not sure, anyway a real Mountain Man and we walked up to his little mountain hut (about an hours walk up the mountain) which had no electricity- so quaint. And we ate and drank there and Pjoter took a fancy to Iris from Hong Kong which was funny to watch! He is the one with the huge beard in the photos. Very nice and friendly old man with a lovely cat and dog. So that night we walked back down the mountain in the dark and started to drink a bit of vodka and this great drink- it was not vodka but still 40% made with honey and chillies- yum yum- worked for me anyway and we were all a bit tipsy by about 9pm and in bed by 12 (after a bit of Irish dancing instruction- “arms staaaaaaight, knees hiiiiiger one, two three, one, two, three”).

So we had decided that day that the next day (Sunday) we would hire an Andrej (a local, for they all bear that name) to drive us up into the more remote parts of the Katun Valley. The Katun is one of the worlds great rafting rivers, although winter is probably the low season. So he collected us in what I can only describe as the van from Scooby Doo, so we all piled into the Mystery Machine and went on a 7 hour drive. Further up the valley it gets very dry (I think it looked like a desert but the Americans said I was wrong- it was like a mix of Colorado and Arizona according to them) so there was no or very little snow and even though it was definitely below 0C you could not see your breath. It was really an amazing place and we stopped in some scary villages along the way. The villages here have outdoor toilets and it seams that some of them have just one outdoor toilet for the whole village, usually a 3 min walk up the hill in the dark. There is a reason for this that I will explain later. No lights inside the huts but you can smell where you should be aiming for. I also spotted some natives from the van who may have been drinking. One had an axe in his hand and just fell backwards into a ditch while his friend tried to pull him out also got pulled in- funny to watch from a speeding van but I was glad not to be there. So Andrej our driver showed us some rock drawings from 5000 years ago and the usual myths and legends about the river being a spirit etc. etc. etc. Now as you all know by now Russians do not pee, drink or eat when travelling- regardless of the duration of the journey. Andrej (during the 7 or 8 hours) only had a cigarette ever so often while the rest of us were worried about burst bladders. (A scene that would repeat itself on the 9 hour bus journey home where I had to avail of the wide rim facilities of an empty bottle of Nestea Ice Tea). Anyway it was a great day and it was only 250 roubles each which I though was good value. So we were all absolutely starving on the way back and stopped in the Greasy Spoon Caf in Chemal (I think all the places looked very similar- one road and scary natives) So I had a big feed and then about 15 natives came in and sat down all around us and started staring and then taking bottles of vodka out of their jackets and drinking- Arghhhhh, why did I read the bloody Lonely Planet? As is obligatory with Russia they were all in camouflage outfits which made them look like even scarier! Just think drunk Gengis Khan and you have the idea. So we all left there before they started to talk to us thank god! The road that we travelled on up the valley ran out about 2/3rds of the way along and was only a dirt track- very bumpy which combined with high pressure on the bladder and excessive laughter had some interesting effects. The main reason we were laughing is that Mel (the New Yorker) has a big giant-anti-Siberian-coldness coat with fur around the hood, just like my one. However, when she left her coat in the cloakroom at the university, some of the fur was cut off, not much- just a little bit, but really cut off which makes you wonder “Why?” anyway if you are behind her you cant stop laughing because you imagine some disgruntled Russian cloakroom woman going “I’ll show that fancy American bitch” as she lays into the fur with a pair of scissors. We now call it the Sinead (as in O’ Connor) jacket. Anyway we had really reached the end of civilisation when we passed the village of Kuyuz. Great time had by all.

So Monday morning we get the bus back to Novosibirsk, I was all set with food, liquid and an empty bottle just in case. Just before we left though everyone in the house had used the indoor toilet to its full extent and committed the hideous crime (in Russia) of flushing toilet paper down the toilet to where it got blocked and started to overflow, as this is happening and I am panicking, Andrej walks in. So we tried to clean up as best we could and then left him to take over, on leaving to walk to the bus stop we noticed the outdoor toilet- arghhh if only we had known. In Russia you should not flush toilet paper down the toilet. I mean by this not just toilet paper you blow your nose with or wipe a bit of toothpaste off the sink with. I mean ALL toilet paper, including for what it is primarily used for. So you just deposit it into a little bin beside the loo- horrid and disgusting so all westerners here just say “Fuck it- hopefully it won’t block today” and flush it away. However 6 westerners in one house was a recipe for disaster. So, on the bus back- at the first pee break 4 hours into the journey we get out and all sink into about 3 foot of snow. It had, it seems, been snowing everywhere heavily all weekend, so we all went into the hut to pee. I am so glad I am not a girl because a0 I don’t know how they hover over the holes dug in the ground and b) how they can let themselves get so close to something so disgusting. One thing we all appreciate here in Siberia is washing machines and toilets. Anyway the journey back got slower and slower because of the snow getting deeper and deeper. I even saw snow plows being pulled out of the snow by tractors- that is bad. So we got off the bus and virtually disappeared into the snow. About 40cm fell over the weekend (on top of what was there). We went back to Anna’s (from Germany) apartment and looked at the 500 pictures we took over the weekend. Robbie

Siberia is too warm :-(

Hello Everybody!

I hope you are all well and surviving in sub artic Ireland- my mother informed there was some snow the other day at home – first time in 3 years- way hey- get your skis out! And those who made it out of the country in time, I hope your all well also, especially Paul and Catherine- I’m looking forward to seeing you both soon. It has been a long week followed by an even longer weekend. Another girl who lives with a geriatric noticed, that like me there was a couple of kilos of garlic in the fridge. (You know the fruit and veg drawer down the bottom- well one of those full to the brim with garlic). We had both wondered what exactly was the Russian desire for that oh so sweet smelling vegetable (is it a vegetable?). Anyway this girl, Mel was feeling a bit sick on Monday so her babushka put the garlic in her room, everywhere- she even tried to get her to eat it- raw and on its own. Maybe it is a cruel way to keep others away from you and so prevent the spread of contagious diseases!
Unfortunately the company I will be working for in Austria has set me one of the most difficult tasks there possibly is to do in Russia. They sent me my contract by espress registered mail about 4 weeks ago, so I told them it had not arrived, could it be sent by email and she (Frau Daum- Catherine you are right- she is a bitch) gave me the number of the letter and said to ask at my local post office. If my letter is anywhere, I can guarantee it is not in my local post office. I plan for about an hour of queuing, asking, going to another queue, asking and going to another queue etc. In a country where transferring money through the banks can take up to a month (that is why my company’s latest hair brain invention is called “Eastern Union” except it will only work in hotels- well done Bacup IT) a letter can really be anywhere except where it is supposed to be. Next weekend all things not going to plan I should be going to Altai. Yes I thought you never heard of them either. They are higher than the Alps (a good few peeks over 4500m) and about 40 times colder. They sort of form the border with eastern Kazakhstan, and northwest China and Mongolia. It is not so far away- about 6 of 7 hours by bus I think (I hope). However I am still passportless, it being in Ekaterinburg (1250km west) being registered (I have not had my passport since November 1) and Russia is not the best place to be without your passport permanently within 15cm of your crotch for safe keeping. So hope fully it will be nice, not too cold (as in not below -25) and I won’t have any problems. I will be going with Anna from Germany, perhaps Iris from Hong Kong, and Mel, Andy and Carrie (not the one from Sex in the City) from the United States of America. I never thought I could get along with Americans but they are very nice, although Americans in Siberia are hardly representative of that nation. As you know I can’t afford to go home for Christmas, so think of me as you gorge yourself on turkey, ham, cake and pudding and dangerous amounts of alcohol. They don’t really celebrate Christmas here but for New Year I will be going away with work to a sanatorium (best place for them if you ask me). Well in Russia a sanatorium is a bit like a holiday hospital (Kur I guess in German, in English speaking world we don’t have such things for obvious reasons, holiday = holiday, not pain). So skiing and billiards is promised, I am only there for the drink, which shall be copious I hope. I have noticed chtjat cher ahre jno people from gjholland in thish harea. Which is a shame because they are always fun to take the piss there out of as well as being good drinkers of shit beer. Oh I forgot- last Monday was my babushkas birthday- 73! This is an age which for Russians would be like 100 for us, life expectancy is quite low in Russia (about 57 for men I think) so she is a venerable dinosauritchka. I keep hoping though that the two of them won’t pop their corks while I’m there- I have nothing to wear for a funeral). Anyway I came home on Monday after washing my clothes after work (and watching some porn- I don’t understand either) and they were getting a bit tipsy on the vodka, so I had 2 shots and eat up the leftovers. It was also my boss’s birthday that day so this was my third slice of birthday cake. Fat bastard. Well that was the week and then on Friday I went and got a bit drunk at the leaving party for Damian from South Africa, so that was nice until his prostitute arrived to “take care of him” Then on Saturday we hall vent zou Elizabeth form France four hay special Zhanksgiving dinnear. That was great, although with just one real American I am not sure how realistic it was, anyway we actually had a turkey which cost 800 roubles (about €25) in the special foreigners shop in the centre of the city as well as sweetcorn, potatoes, cranberry sauce, apple tart etc, stuffing, real gravy etc etc etc. So for me it was just like Christmas, although Elizabeth (who drank a bottle of vodka the night before to get over her rather depressing life) was a bit up tight about every thing. Still had a good time- real lack of alcohol though.
plastic card. Then on Sunday the English club at the university (for lovers of the English language, not a group of Brits) had their thanksgiving- so it really was Christmas- 2 huge dinners in two days in a row! And I can’t look at turkey for about 3 months now. Anyway we were the only ones who brought alcohol with us and managed to get a bit merry (which is hard not to when you are surrounded by weird, strange, odd, possibly psychotic Russians who are members of the English club). So afterwards we had to play “games” like I have Never etc, which are fine because the point about these games is to find out what are your sexual interests- not with a bunch of sober Russians. “I have never climbed a mountain”, “I have never been to Kazakhstan”, “I have never walked without having both my shoelaces tied”. And then came the “I have never taken drugs”. So 3 out of the 5 foreigners had done 10 things by now so as our punishment we had to answer what drugs we had taken. This, whilst being a bit tipsy created a very bad image of westerners. To add to the surrealist nature of the evening, we were in a windowless room, with no fresh air and the ballroom dancing association was practicing in the next room, a mixture of drunkenness, asphyxiation, claustrophobia and the foxtrot had some interesting psychotic effects. I wanted to stay with Anna again on Sunday (and not go back to babushka and dedushka where lights out is at 22:30) so I rang them but then I thought I rang my old apartment, but I did not, and then my battery went dead and then I just got Andy from America (a very nice former Christian Scientist- I am not sure if you use capitals) whose Russian is so good to ring, first my babushka thought he was coming to visit- she was probably a bit sad to hear their adopted son would be spending another night away from his “just short enough to annoy you” bed. That is all from me, I hope to make it to Altai and back without having to pay too many bribes. Photos are of Thanksgiving over the weekend, till next week…
Robbie

By the way it is ridiculously warm here- 0 for the last week, it is colder in Moscow! All foreigners here are sweating like whores in churches but the Russians just say- wait and it will be cold- we will see.

Oh I had such a nice weekend that is all I can say. I hope all of you graduates (well as it done and dusted are we not post-graduates? Revise the CVs!) had a nice time and did not spew your food all over Sosume. I had another boring week at work but matters were moving rather in the wrong direction when they were including me in their plans to go to a German trade fair next March (I can see Dagmar’s eyes light up with envy) So I gave them my resignation letter telling them the Alps are calling me and a salary (paid in Euros) was too much for me to stay in Siberia. I felt a bit sorry for them but they have survived for 14 years so I don’t think I had a huge impact on any of their ridiculously inefficient and incompetent management practices. They will continue to survive because it’s Russia so they can make their money from even worse run Russian companies. Nothing interesting happened Monday to Friday apart from me getting to use a modern washing machine. That will be happening (fingers crossed) again tonight. So Friday I went to bed early then Saturday morning I went to see Anna- (the girl from Germany who has a habit of losing her knickers in bed with odd boys.) Her boss from Switzerland was here for a few days. Well all I can say is, no I can’t even say it- words are not enough to describe him- absolutely perfect- in every possible way. Although he has a girlfriend in Switzerland that did not stop me and an American girl making complete and utter fools of ourselves (well me more than her) by being extra-friendly to him. So Saturday night we went to an Australian boy’s party. Wish it was an Australian boys party- but hey you cant have everything. We had a small bottle of vodka and some beer with dinner before we went- and really it is true- you can’t not finish a bottle of vodka here, it is impossible. Anyway we were more than merry when we got there- after stopping off in the shop to get a bit more vodka and sok (juice). So we arrive at this party- it was very full- you could tell by the amount of shoes in the hall of the apartment. And within 5 seconds we have lost the bottle of vodka and the sok. This kind of sobered me up, as even though I don’t remember paying for it, I felt it was mine. Anyway it appeared after Me, Anna, Mel and the swiss guy all started to look a bit disappointed that our big bottle had been finished of by some Russians in about 30 seconds flat. So got pissed basically. It was a nice party and really the Russians cheered up when they sang (twice in a row) Soyuz nerroscheme respublik sobotnik, yes that old favourite- the Soviet national anthem. I understand how hard it is for them to learn the Russian anthem as it is the same music as the Soviet one, and most of the words are the same, but it would be like if there was a new version of “happy birthday” – same music but new words, you would just sing the old version. They really love it- they all through their hands up in the air and have big grins on their faces. Which for Russia is a seldom sight. One girl at the party- Marina is her name, well we called her “die Schlampe” gave me a big hug and she looked very happy about it- for me it was a reaffirmation of my sexual orientation. Sorry Schlampe but your sluty short skirt and horrid make-up do nothing for me. Early in the day she was (as far as I remember) in a leopard print jump suit. That was at a lecture held by Mel (the big noisy American) on American politics. Anyway that slut tried to sleep with the host of the party- and his Japanese girlfriend was there- nasty. Anyway I went home to Anna’s, Mr. Switzerland walked me home (well he was staying there also) I was meant to sleep in Anna’s bed with her but another boy beat me to it so it was the sofa for me. Sunday morning I woke up with the sorest head I have had in a long time, it was so so so so so sore, and I had only had beer and vodka and a cocktail thing. So we went for a walk to the sea. (Well the Ob sea, it is just a big lake but in Russia big lakes are about the size of small European countries) It has already frozen over so we went for a walk on it. I could see Russians far away doing ice fishing so I thought it must be thick enough to walk on- they did not get about 1km out onto the ice by helicopter. But still you are never sure of walking on ice- and it is only November. So me and Anna held on to each other as we walked very slowly across the ice. I remember from Berlin it is a bit scary walking on ice, no matter how thick it is- well the problem is you can’t really see how thick it is. My guess is more than 15cm your ok. Anyway we were kind of on a little iceberg and I wanted to see how thick the ice between the little icebergs was. All I can say is not very thick. I only fell about 5 cm into the water because I was holding on to Anna- still I think I will wait until December before walking on the lake again. The Russians know the right ways so they are ok. So nothing to do until Friday when it is a South African boy’s leaving party then French Elizabeth is organising a Thanksgiving Party Saturday, I bet she does great food- “but chwith ze horrid produce havailable er in ze supermarche” she will have a challenge to say the least. Anyway that is all from me- I miss you all- some more than others. 47 days to Austria!!!!!!

PS I promise when I get to Austria I wont send annoying emails once a week.